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    消失的光线

     我努力地回想着关于110日的一切,可是竟然是没什么印象,我对这一天一无所知。直到现在才记起,那个丢失的手机里,今天是假想敌。

    我不知那个假想敌长什么样。是否会和我一样,有柔软的头发,尖削的下巴,她的眼睛会和我一样吗?我不知道。我甚至找不着一张关于她的相片。但我知道,她一直是父亲的遗憾同悔恨,这让他的生命很长一段时间都活在自责里。

    我一定见过母亲的眼泪同父亲的沉默。在去年的夏天。我都快要忘记今天已是2007年。在梦里见到的那个行走与茫茫原野里的我,既熟悉又陌生。那个我会是她吗?所以,她还是时常入我的梦。让黑夜里的幻想如同花朵的绽放。

    虽然,我一直都不过只是她的替身。又或者,她灵魂的延伸。

    只是,她的肉体已经消失,我无从寻起,亦无人提起,关于这个假想敌的一切。

     

    开始常常流泪。这不同于语言,悄无声息。地球依旧转动,日光依旧照耀,这悲伤源于哪,你自己也不知道。你一直觉得身体的某一部分已经死去,你却盼望能如蛇般蜕壳。

    想起儿时吹泡泡的游戏。你喜欢看着泡沫升上半空,在阳光下褪去华丽的外表,然后破裂。只是后来,你再也不玩了,母亲因你在家将泡泡吹了一地而摔倒。

    某一时刻,开始两面三刀,开始彷徨失落。彻夜难眠,耳内鸣声不断。你常常在梦中看见自己的奔跑,在世界的尽头,苍茫的天地,广袤的草场,雪花片片落下,沉重得如同自己的叹息。

    她说,你的前生一定是鸟。你只是想像飞鸟一样,面朝天空而去。

    时针同分针重合。夜深,你闭上眼睛。

    你只是想离开。不要回头。

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